Meet Appy Fizz (Say What?: India Edition)

Dedicated readers of this blog will remember the entry in which I faithfully recreated the label of a local New Zealand soft drink called Lemon and Paeroa (sadly, given the recent downfalls of this blog, you may still be able to see said entry on the front page, despite my having drunk the L&P almost three months ago.) Here in India I recently came across another interesting soft drink, this one by the name of Appy Fizz (a faux-sparkling apple cider sort of thing.) Although this one isn't quite so packed full of local slang, it's still an interesting look into English-language advertising in India. (To make sure this wasn't an import I scrutinized the bottle until I found a little product stamp that reads "Refresh India" and a blurb below the nutrition facts that states that the drink was manufactured in a small village in Haryana state.)

And I quote:
"The Apple of my I
Hi, I present to you the new + evolved Appy Fizz. Cooler than ever before. And even more good looking in a swanky new branded label. Made with the finest handpicked apples, it's a favourite of the cool. So let's bring out the ice and party on! - Cheers, A.F.

I LIKE Weekends, blind dates, and being a superstar (in front of my mirror).
I DISLIKE Bouncers, teleshopping, and scripted reality shows.
MY FAV ONELINERS Party makes man perfect
MY ADDRESS Your refrigerator
CAUSE, IT'S COOL!
Save Trees: Without trees, there'd be no hammocks, no film stars running around them, no gravity + I wouldn't have been discovered either. So, plant trees, get breeze.
Let's meet at [appy fizz website] and take this further."

I think that last part is the best/oddest.

Mint-as, bru!

Out having dinner in Kaikoura one night (entry forthcoming), I decided to sample a local soft drink. "Lemon and Paeroa" (better known as L&P) is apparently the official sports drink of backyard cricket, a fact I discovered while reading the label. I not only did not know what backyard cricket was-- I also found I could barely muddle through the entire label text. And so I present to you The Best Example of Kiwi English, Possibly Ever:

"As the official sports drink of backyard cricket, we've got heaps of mint-as gears taking up space in the tool shed-- so instead of hiffing it out, we're dishing it out. We've got BYC packs with bats and balls... and chilly-wickets (that's our flash name for chilly bins with wickets painted on them.). But hang on, it gets even way minter! There's also three 'choice-as' BYC weekends away for you and whichever five friends suck up to you the most. So find the fancy code on this bottle, then bash out a text or enters on the intertron."

Say whaaaaat?

(More Kaikoura coming to you after these messages)